The Beginning of the Road

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:31:53 GMT

I'm not going to make a very long post but I wanted to get on and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I'm going to be busy with family probably until after the first of the year so I didn't want to take a chance on missing my post.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and I really hope that the new year is the best ever for everyone. Thank you all for being my friends and for being such wonderful people. You've helped to make me feel very special and that's a wonderful feeling.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:51:45 GMT

Its a very pretty day today. There's snow, though not alot and it makes the world look so much nicer. I went for a walk with dad in it earlier and it was nice. I don't mind the cold so much and I like taking walks with him. We had to be careful since it was pretty slippery but we managed not to have much trouble. I just wish it would last longer. Its probably going to go away soon since its supposed to warm up. I hope we have a white Christmas at least.

Mom won't be able to come home until the twenty third. We were hoping she'd get here earlier but she can't. She can stay till after the first of the year though so we get her for a few days. That makes me happy. I miss her so much when she's gone. When she gets here she said she's taking me out shopping and we'll have a fun day with just the two of us. That'll be on Christmas Eve so things will be very busy that day but its also a very exciting day.

I've been working on applying to cooking schools here. Mom and dad said I might as well do it up here since there's no idea when we'll be going back there so I've done that. I'm very nervous about it. I don't know how good I'll do there and I worry that everyone else will be so much better then me. I know I shouldn't worry but its hard. I just want to do really well at it. It costs quite a bit to do it too and I feel kind of bad about that even if mom and dad say its not a big deal. They're so good to me. Its the best thing in the world to have a family that cares. It definately makes this time of year a whole lot better.

I need to go do some dishes and clean up a little. I hope everyone has a very nice Christmas. I'm not sure if I'll write before then or not so I want to say it now. Take care!

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:12:16 GMT

Happy holidays to everyone!

Its been such a wonderful few days and I've been having alot of fun. I had to take a break from the baking since right now I've run out of things to store it all in. I'm going to deliver some to people a little later though. That'll give me more to use. Mom said we can get some more after we deliver stuff though. We want to go shopping for a few things and that'll be added to the list.

I really love this season alot. I didn't use to care about it much since it never was happy like this. I decorated and all that since my mom and dad didn't want to have to do it all but it wasn't fun and happy like now. Now I can't wait to get a tree up and decorate it. Mom says we'll try and do that next weekend. We want her to be here for it so if she can't get away from work then it'll be the weekend after. I can't wait! It feels good to be able to get exited about these things. I hope it snows soon. I don't know that I want as much as we had last year but I don't know. It was alot of fun watching everyone play in the snow and everything just felt so good. I'd love that feeling to keep up every year.

I need to decide what to get Duante for Christmas though. I don't have any ideas what to do for him. I want to make it very special but its hard. I'm going to talk to Damien about it and see what he says and maybe he can give me some good ideas. I want to make Duante smile. I love his smile. He's just the best. I probably said that more then once already. I probably sound pretty silly. He just makes me very happy.

I guess I should get ready to go now. I want to wash the rest of the dishes first and get that done. Dad tried to do them earlier but his hands were shaking more then usual after all the sugar and stuff. He didn't want to break anything and was getting a little frustrated. Someday he won't have to worry about that sort of thing anymore. That will make us all very happy.

Time to go now though so I can get things done. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:02:32 GMT

Sorry I haven't updated any sooner but things have been really busy. With Halloween, helping people to move, and planning for the holidays its been hard to think of other things. Its been alot of fun though. I like this time of year very much.

We sat down a couple days ago to talk about who is going to do what for Thanksgiving dinner and a few other things about it too. I'm very excited about it like I always am. There's so much cooking to do and I can't wait. I want to try out a couple new recipes. I hope people like them since I changed some things up and everything. I always get nervous when people try new things I've made. So far I've been lucky and people have liked what I've done. I hope that keeps up.

We're going to go shopping for Christmas decorations this weekend and I can't wait. Mom's supposed to come up and go with us so it'll be lots of fun. Dad said we can do up the yard and everything too so I'm very happy with it. I really want to make the house and yard look nice and dad said I can pick whatever I want for it. I can't wait for us to be able to put them up. We're waiting until after Thanksgiving to decorate but we'll have everything we need when that happens. Mikel and Charlie are going to help get lights on the house and everything since dad can't quite manage that with his hands the way they are. It'll be a real family thing and I'm very happy about it. Its so nice to have family who wants me to be part of things. Is it wierd that it still feels strange to me even though I've been with them awhile? It feels like it but maybe it isn't. I don't know.

I'm going to go get a cake out of the oven now. The timer just beeped and I don't want it to overcook. I love this time of year!

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:44:23 GMT

I'm really tired this morning and I'm not sure why. I got plenty of sleep but I still want to go back to bed. Maybe I will after I finish making breakfast. I don't know. It depends on how I feel then.

I decided to make some omelets this morning and I'm going to wait just a few minutes longer since Ramon is in the shower. He has late arrival at school today so he doesn't have to be there for awhile yet. Its funny because he tends to wake up earlier on late arrival days then normal days. Dad says its because he's a boy and boys are naturally contradictery creatures. I'll have to take his word for it since I didn't grow up around boys.

Mom will be coming back this coming weekend so that makes me happy. I like it when we're all together. As long as nothing comes up she'll be here Friday night. I miss her so much when she's gone. She said we'll go and do a little shopping and everything so that'll be fun. I like shopping with her. Alot of the time we don't even buy anything but we just have that time together. Mom's not a big shopper but she says its always interesting to watch people when they do. And Damien's birthday's coming up so we want to get him his presents. I'm not sure what to get him but hopefully I'll come up with something. I'm going to talk to Duante about it later today.

Mom also wants to get me warmer clothes since its getting colder out. Its wierd just being able to do this kind of thing even though its been years away from my natural parents. I'd never get to pick out my own clothes then. My mom would just go and pick up whatever she felt like and be done with it. They didn't like being seen with me in public I guess. I'm very happy to have family who doesn't mind that now. I wish every kid whose been abused by their parents could have such a happy ending. It makes me sad that so many have it so bad.

I hear Ramon getting out of the bathroom now so I should go make the omelets. I'm going to have to stop by Puppet's room and see if he's awake yet so I can make him one. Someday maybe he'll eat with the rest of us. I hope so.

Have a good day everyone.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 05:12:56 GMT

Hello again everyone. I hope you're all doing good. I'm doing okay, though my throat's a little dry. I hope I don't get sick again. I hate being sick. I was over today with Duante and he didn't want to eat or anything. I finally got him to have some soup and I hope that helped even a little. When I left he was sleeping. I feel so bad for everyone who isn't feeling well.

I went over to Gayle's for awhile with dad and Ramon since they went to watch football there. I don't understand football but they really like it. Lots of people were having fun watching. I wanted to come back home though and dad came back with me. He didn't have to but I still don't feel comfortible with the people next door being there. I feel so bad for Sonny. It must be awful having to live like that.

Bridget talked to me today about Halloween which is something she's been doing with everyone. She wants me to dress up. I've done it before since she asked but I never know what to do. I feel kind of silly doing it. It is fun but I get a little embarassed about it. Sometimes I wish I could be like her and some others and not worry about that kind of thing. I do love seeing the kids dress up though. They look so cute. Kids are great and its fun to take them trick or treating. I've gone with them and its just alot of fun. I never got to do anything like that growing up so I'm glad to see kids who do. It makes me a little sad sometimes to see what other kids get to do that I never did but that's okay.

I'm going to go wash some dishes and maybe get a bowl of soup. Dad probably wouldn't mind one either so I'll take one to him. He never turns down food after all.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 04:52:44 GMT

Hello everyone!

Its been such a wonderful day and I'm so happy right now. I'm still kind of in shock that I'm actually 21 but its starting to sink in. I don't know if the actual number matters much but just how good I feel right now. Everyone is so good to me and my life has turned out to be so much better then it used to be. I keep pinching myself to see if I wake up from some wonderful dream but its not a dream. I have people who love me now and it feels so good. Mom got to come home and spend the day here and we all had a great time and people called to wish me happy birthday and visited and Sunday I'm having my party. I'm supposed to get presents then but Duante didn't want to wait so gave me the one from him just a couple hours ago. He took me out for a drive and we stopped at the river and he gave it to me.

It was a beutiful heart shaped locket with a key on a chain and I love it. I don't want to ever take it off. It has a picture of him in it and its one of the best presents I ever got. He's so wonderful to me. I feel really lucky right now in so many ways and I'm not sure I could get any happier then I feel right now. Duante and me are going out tommorrow night and I'm looking forward to that alot.

But now I'm going to go spend time with the others. I have cookies fresh out of the oven and its going to be a great night. I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep!

I love you all. Thank you for being my friends.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 04:06:26 GMT

I'm not feeling very well so I'm not going to write much. I just want to lay down on the couch next to dad and not get up. I ate some soup a little while ago and now my stomach feels like it wants to empty. I hate that feeling.

Duante brought me some flowers earlier today which was very sweet of him. He let me fall asleep with my head in his lap and didn't move for two hours. He had to go home a little while ago but he did make me feel alot better. I'm so lucky.

I think that's about as much as I can type right now. I have to lay down again. Sorry its so short.

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:07:53 GMT

Rafiq was sweet and called to remind me about this when he saw I hadn't written yet. I just haven't thought very much about it. I've been spending time on Facebook which is cool but I like to keep in touch with my friends here. I just haven't felt like doing much writing.

Everyone's been so sweet to me after the thing that happened awhile back. It was embarrasing and I felt kind of sick after it. Now I feel sick knowing what happened to the boy who did it. I know the way he acted is the fault of his parents being the way they are and encouraging things like that. I don't understand why they would but obviously the father at least has some real problems in other ways. I want to see Sonny and tell him that its all okay but I don't know how he'll take it and I'm kind of scared anyway. Its silly being scared of talking to someone younger then me but I can't help it. I'm not very brave. I'm not brave at all.

Mom's been here the whole week and I'm glad of that. I like having us all together. She's probably going to have to go back next week but it depends on what happens here. Its all up in the air right now. I hope she can stay and help out more but I know they need her back there too. She's very important. She's very important in alot of ways and to alot of people.

Duante's been so sweet to me lately and I'm so glad he's around. He always knows how to make me smile. He told me the other day that he wants us to be a couple and that made me happier then anything. I want it too and I told him and so we are. It makes me smile just writing that. Mikel said it wasn't fair since he doesn't think he can pick on Duante but he's going to try. Duante thinks that should be fun.

I have the best family in the world. I just wanted to say that. Now I'm going to go sit with the others and maybe watch a movie.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:18:57 GMT

Mom's home now. Or she's here anyway. Its hard to know what to call home anymore. I know we're only here for awhile but its where all the others are so it feels like home. But the other one feels like home too since that was the first place I ever lived that I felt wanted. Can someone have two homes? I don't know.

She fell asleep on the couch against dad and he's been there with her for a couple hours now without moving. She got home last night and I know she couldn't sleep at all so I'm glad she finally can do it without waking up. Dad said she woke up every few minutes last night. She needs sleep and I hope she can stay that way for longer.

I feel so bad about everything. Her eyes look so sad and I'm not used to seeing that. But having a little boy die in your arms has to be so hard to deal with. Its hard for me to think about since he died being beaten up by his parents. I think about how I could've ended up the same way but didn't. Maybe that's cause my parents didn't do it while drinking or anything and so could keep from losing complete control. I don't know. But I know how scared and lonly the little boy must've felt when his parents were doing that to him and it makes me so sad since I remember that feeling really well. I know that he probably thought that his parents were being like all adults are. He probably didn't know that he wasn't supposed to get hit by them. Its not fair. He didn't diserve any of that. I'm only glad that when he did die that it was being held by someone who was showing him that she did care. Maybe that helped him find some peace. I hope so. And I hope mom can find some peace knowing that she helped him find it. I know how finding out that someone cares is the best feeling in the world. Knowing that someone wants to help and holds out their hand to you is a very important feeling. I hope mom knows just how special she is for doing that not only for the little boy but for me and so many other kids she's helped. I've told her but I guess its really hard to know it unless you've been there. I just want her to know how wonderful she is for all she does and has done for so long for so many kids. I just wish I could find a way to let her know.

Tommorrow is Father's Day and we're going to take dad out to dinner and do a few other things. Mikel took me out shopping for him and I got him a couple presents. I've been doing lots of present shopping lately with everything going on. There are so many birthdays this month. I have to find something very special for Mikel so that maybe he'll smile. I just don't know what yet. Gayle said she'd help me though. I'm going to see if she'll go shopping with me for it. It'd be fun to spend the time with her and Charlie said he'd take us out to do that and drop us off for awhile just to have time together and do the shopping. It might help both of us feel better since so much has happened lately that's bad. I think that could be alot of fun.

I'm going to go put some food together. We didn't eat dinner yet and are just going to have fruit salad and things like that to munch on. It'll last better so mom will have something when she wakes up and I don't want to be too loud in the kitchen and maybe wake her up. She needs the sleep and so we're going to give her as much peace as we can.

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:55:08 GMT

I'm really not feeling up to doing this so I'm sorry if its short. I'm a little tired and I'm worried about mom and I kept hearing wierd noises last night. I was probably imagining them but I kept jumping. I keep expecting someone to break in and do something. That's probably unreasonable but I can't help it.

I'm worried about mom though. Things have been rough for her with work and all and its getting to her alot. Things don't usually get to her like this so even dad's worried. I wish he'd go and see her but he's worried about how things will be here especially with the new neighbors being the way they are. I hope she'll come back this coming weekend but its all just swamping her alot and she's not sure.

I guess that's about it. Like I said, sorry if its short. I just don't know what else to say. I hope you're all doing okay.

Mon, 18 May 2009 14:26:52 GMT

Hi everyone. I don't feel very much like writing but I do want to get this done. I'm not sure if I'll think of it again before the end of this two weeks. Things have just been pretty hard the past week or so and I wish everything would all get better.

Mom came back for Mother's Day so I was very glad of that. She hadn't been gone for very long but I'd already missed her so much. Now I'm back to missing her again. She wasn't able to come home this weekend because of work. She warned us that it would probably be that way so we wouldn't be suprised.

I'm also really worried about Mikel. He's started to get worse again and now he wants to delete his journal and he just doesn't want to talk to anyone much. He talks to Gayle sometimes but even that isn't as much. Its like he's trying to push as many people away from him as he can and I don't know why. Its not like he's mean or anything but he just talks as much as possible and spends alot of time in his room or out walking. But then he got arrested the other night along with Joseph and for no good reason. It was proved that Joseph couldn't have done what they accused them of since he had an alibi for that time. I don't know if they're going to keep accusing Mikel or not. I don't see how they can since he didn't do it and the accusations are all stupid and there's hardly any evidence, but I don't know. He's having such bad luck these days. I'm kind of scared for him. Its all hurting him so much and nobody knows how to help him.

I guess I shouldn't keep talking about that. I don't know if anyone else has even said anything on here. I just want him to be okay. He's so great to me and to everyone and he doesn't deserve what he's going through. And now it seems like he just wants to retreat from everyone, which is part of the reason I think he wants to delete his journal. I don't know.

I should go. I'm making breakfast for everyone. I just thought I should write while I had a chance.

Tue, 05 May 2009 13:53:26 GMT

Mom's gone now. She left on a late flight last night to go back. I miss her. I almost cried when she left but I managed not to do it. I didn't want to make her feel bad at all about going. She's doing what she thinks is best and that's what's important.

But the house is so much quieter now. Not that she makes alot of noise or anything but just her voice not being here makes it seem more empty. Dad looks like he's feeling the same way too. It must be pretty hard for him to have to watch her go though he tries not to show it. They've been together for so long that being apart must feel pretty bad. But maybe the fact that they have so much love after all these years helps. I don't know. I think its wonderful when people stay together like that.

I did make mom's favorite meal last night and we did a few things together during the day. That was fun. We rented a couple movies during the day and then we played a couple games. Its so nice to have a family and to feel like I'm really part of one. I never felt that before I came here and now I think I'd want to die if I lost it. That probably sounds stupid but its the way I feel. I don't have to worry about that though. This is my real, forever family.

Mom did say that if she doesn't have to do anything next weekend with her cases that she'll come home. Sometimes she can't catch some people she has to talk to during the week so has to do it on the weekends. I hope that doesn't happen this time. I want to see her so much. I wish everyone could have a family like this. I feel bad for anyone who doesn't.

I'm going to go clean up the kitchen and then dad wants to take a walk. I'm going to go with him. I love taking walks with him. I'm so lucky to have all this.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 04:56:50 GMT

I'm a little tired tonight. It's almost ten and I'm thinking about going to bed. I was up earlier than usual just because I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. Then I got up and made breakfast and did a bunch of baking so I was on my feet most of the day. It was fun though.

I'm feeling pretty bummed that mom is going to be going back soon. Its been so nice having everyone together. I understand why she's doing it and I know she'll visit but it won't be the same. I'm going to miss her alot. I know how important her job is and how she helps kids and that's a big thing. I know that very well. Its just going to be hard being without her. I did tell her that I'd make cookies and other things for her and send them to her through Fed Ex. She told me to do that as much as I could so she wouldn't miss it all so much.

People are mostly over the flu here. Mike's still pretty sick but hopefully that'll end soon. I feel bad for him since he tends to get it all the time and it hits him hard and doesn't like to leave him. At least he's being taken care of though. I hope he's over it soon. I know that its never fun to be sick.

I guess I don't have much to say besides that. I think I'm definately going to bed though. My eyes keep closing on me. I think that's a good sign. I hope everyone who reads this is doing good.

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 19:52:20 GMT

Happy Easter everyone. I hope that you're all having a good day so far.

I've been busy with making dinner and helping the little kids with an egg hunt. They've been having so much fun. Its so cute to watch. Susan went out and bought a bunch of plastic Easter eggs to fill with all sorts of goodies for them and they've had a very good day. Markez still isn't feeling his best but he's been having fun too. I'm a little worried about him with the flu going on this long for him but some others still have it too. I hope it goes away soon. Its such an awful thing.

I made a few little Easter egg cakes yesterday and that was alot of fun. I found the recipe the other day and showed it to mom and she told me that she'd get me the things to give it a try. I think they came out really well. They look very cute. I need to practice cake decorating more. Its alot of fun and not as easy as it looks sometimes.

I hate to cut this short but I have to go check on some things. I was hoping to say more but there's just so much to do. Sorry for the short entry though I guess I make alot of those. I just wanted to make sure to wish everyone a happy day.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:01:59 GMT

Hello everyone. I hope everyone's having a good morning.

I just finished breakfast and wanted to get this done. If dad hadn't reminded me then I probably would've forgotten. Its been so busy lately. I made some homemade chicken soup last night and I want to go deliver it around today and I plan on leaving around eight or so. I made alot and hopefully it'll go around. I hope more people are up to eating now. Some have been so sick. I'm suprised that so many have made journal posts with everything going on. I'm glad to see that some have felt at least well enough to do that. I hope Markez is doing better today. I feel so bad for him. Its got to be bad when he feels too sick to even play on his Xbox.

I've been doing pretty good myself. I like keeping busy and helping people and I've been able to do both alot lately. I wish people didn't have to get sick so I could do it but I guess I can't do much about that. I hope the whole flu thing is over very soon so we don't have to worry about it for at least another year. Its just been so hard on some people. I'm glad I didn't get it this year but I still feel bad for those who did. At least I can do things to help out this way.

I should get the soup dished up and ready to go to people. Mom's in doing the dishes and dad's still eating so it gives me something to do. The faster I get it done the better. Hopefully I get the chance to stop by and see Duante today. I haven't seen him as much lately since everything's been going on and I kind of miss that.

Everyone have a wonderful day.

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:24:52 GMT

Dad reminded me to do this or I would've forgot. I've been very busy baking and I needed to clean my room. It got a little messy this weekend because I was trying to rearrange things to make more room. I never thought I'd have so much stuff that I'd have to do something to make things less crowded. People are just very sweet to me.

I made Rafiq his favorite cookies earlier to hopefully cheer him up. I don't know if they did or not but I hope so. I hate seeing him down. He deserves to be happy again and not have things dragging him down. The same goes for Rolin too. I thought about baking him something too but I don't know. I probably will. I know none of that probably does any good but its all I can do. I'm not very good at anything else including cheering people up. I wish I was. I'd do pretty much anything to make them both feel better, and Mikel too. So many people are having hard times. Sometimes I feel guilty when I feel so happy with things. My life's gotten so much better that its hard not to be happy about it. I know they're all glad I am but I still feel bad sometimes about it.

I did go out again with Duante on Friday night. We just went out to eat and talk. That was alot of fun. We walked around the mall for awhile and I got some ideas for birthdays that are coming up. I like to keep an eye out for things like that. I think a girl there was trying to flirt with Duante while I was at the restroom because when I came back she looked back at me and then just left without a word. He said he didn't know her or anything and that she was just asking him about something so I think she was flirting. I don't know though since I'm not used to seeing things like that. I don't think he is either so I'm not sure he noticed much at all.

I guess that's really all there is to say. I have to do a few more things and finish my room though at least that's almost done. I'll be glad when it is.

I hope your all doing well. I'm sorry that I never comment or anything on your journals though I have been reading more. I just never know what to say and feel funny about commenting. I guess that's wierd but I can't help it. I'll try though. I promise.

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:52:08 GMT

Hi again everyone. I hope your all doing well.

Its been a nice past few days. I missed mom and Alyce while they were gone but dad and Ramon and me had fun. We had a big movie watching night and I made snacks and it was really cool. We tried to get Puppet to join us for at least the snacks but he wouldn't. I hope someday he feels like joining in. I always feel bad when we do things and he's in his room all alone.

Duante's also been over a few times and we've talked and then we went for a drive once. His dad got him a used car of his own and he's doing work around there to pay it off. He's talking about finding a job of some sort too but its not easy these days. He's still not having a totally easy time of it either but he has more good days then he used to.

Valentine's Day was very nice and I had alot of fun. We were out pretty late but he's so easy to talk to and he listens to everything I have to say like its all important. He's so sweet. I'm going to find out what his favorite foods are and try to make dinner for him sometime though I'm not sure how soon it'll be. I think that would be fun. I know what kind of sweet things he likes best but I don't have any idea what kinds of meals he likes best. I just kind of have to work up to asking about it and inviting him. I'm not good at this sort of thing.

I feel bad saying it but I'm very glad that mom's mom is gone now. I got so upset with her when she treated Bullshit the way she did and the way she treats Mikel and she was just never very nice to most people. She never thinks that maybe people aren't just exactly what the steriotypes say and thinks her opinion is always right. I don't understand how people can think like that. Its sad. I'm glad she's healing alright and everything since I don't like to see people hurt but I'm also glad she got better enough to just leave. I just don't understand how someone can be so mean.

I need to go put the finishing touches on dinner now so we can eat. I started later then I wanted to but its almost done. I know everyone's hungry and I don't want to make them wait too much longer.

Everyone have a good day and rest of the month.

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:15:13 GMT

Good morning everyone. I hope you're all doing good. Its a quiet morning here right now so I thought I'd write before I forget.

I also have some news I kind of what to pass on. I'm pretty excited about it and I want to share.

The other day Duante asked me out for tommorrow. I think he tried to ask me before but couldn't do it since he kept saying other times that he had something he wanted to ask but kept not doing it. Then he finally just let it come out really fast and said he wanted to go out on Saturday and wanted to know if I wanted to go with him. It was sweet and I didn't know what to say at first since I didn't expect it but I finally said I'd like to do it.

It was very awkward but not for very long since he changed the subject. It wasn't until I talked to mom and dad about it that I realised that its Valentine's Day he asked me out for. Mom actually reminded me. I never think about things like that. I wonder if he thought about it or if he just picked a day without thinking. And I wonder if he knew what day it is if he picked it for a special reason. I don't know but I'm getting even more excited and I can't wait until tommorrow. Mom's taking me out shopping for something to wear and Alyce is going to fix my makeup and I hope I look alright.

I'm just so so nervous since I've only been out for the Prom ever and it wasn't his idea for that. This was totally his idea. We're going to a nice place to eat and then he said there was somewhere else he wanted to take me but wouldn't tell me where it is.

So I have a date for Valentine's Day! I'm not sure I'll survive that long. My stomach is all fluttery when I think about it and the closer it gets the worse the flutteriness gets. I need to not think about it but its hard especially since we're going shopping for stuff and everything. Mom says she thinks its sweet and that he likes me alot and I just think he's so sweet and I'm going on to much about this. Sorry. I'm just excited and its hard not to talk about it.

I'll go make breakfast now and maybe that'll help me get my mind off it for awhile. Tommorrow is too far away!

Have a good day everyone.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:09:20 GMT

I'm really tired this morning and I don't know why. I got enough sleep last night. I even went to bed a little early since I was tired then too. Probably everything that's been going on is wearing me out. I'm sure its doing that to several people at least.

I'm really worried about people. I want Bait to get better and for the trial today to go well. Its not fair everything that's happened. I want to see people have good luck but it seems like it just doesn't want to happen. Its only January and so much bad has happened. It makes me really worry for the rest of the year.

I'm glad at least that dad seems to be getting better. I was so happy to see him being able to build a whole building with legos without getting too frustrated or his hands getting too shakey to do anything. It was the best news. The building is still up and he gave it to me. That made me happy. I love it and have it on my dresser next to the music box I got from Bridget for Christmas. I can't believe I have so many wonderful things. The house is the very best of them all though. I can't wait until his speech starts getting better. I know its so frustrating for him to have a hard time saying what he wants to say. He wants to go back to work so bad and take over again. He misses it very much. It'll be strange going back there after being here in Washington for so long but I'll be so happy to see him able to work like he used to. I'm waiting to go to cooking school until we get back there. I don't want to start here and then have us able to go home and then either stop going and find a school there or stay here until I've finished. I want to stay with mom and dad no matter where they are. Its hard to have family being so far from each other though. It'll be hard to not be able to see the ones up here so much.

I don't mind putting off cooking school though. I really want to go but I get practice every day and mom and dad have gotten me a bunch of cookbooks. They let me try whatever recipe I want and I've had so much fun with that. I want to start doing more ethnic foods. I think that will be fun. I've made some Italian and Spanish and Mexican dishes and a few Chinese but there are still a bunch that I haven't done. I told mom that I'm going to pick a kind of ethnic food and do just that for a week and do that over and over as I go through them. She thought that'd be really good so I'm going to start that soon.

I could go on and on about cooking but I won't bore you any longer with that. I just find it really intresting and fun. Ramon teases me about being in the kitchen so much that I'll forget what everywhere else looks like. He's loosened up more and more since he started living with us and he's very fun to be around. He gets along very well with all of us and he is just like one of the family. Its like having a real little brother and I like that feeling.

I wish Puppet was doing better. He hardly ever comes out of his room anymore at least when people are awake. He might later but I don't know. He's not eating as much as he used to and I know he's not going to the kitchen to get snacks since I know what all is there at any time and its mostly all still there when I get up. Well, that's not counting stuff I know mom or dad eats. They snack all the time. I just hope Puppet comes out of it soon and starts being more social and everything. I don't think its very healthy that he's not eating much. He hasn't even finished a plate of food in at least a week.

I guess I should go. I'm going to fix some breakfast and mom wants to take me shopping for new shoes. One of mine has a little hole in it and she doesn't want it to keep growing before we get more. That's so strange to me still since my biological parents didn't care if what I was wearing had holes until it was too much to notice or looked bad.

Sorry to go on and on. I haven't written this much in awhile I think. Take care everybody and thanks for reading.

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:44:14 GMT

I woke up earlier than usual and its pretty quiet here so I thought I'd post. Mom and dad should be up soon since they wake up early and then I'll go make breakfast. I'm not sure I'm very hungry at the moment but they will be.

Its so sad around here. With Bait in the hospital everyone's kind of down. I feel so bad for him. He's so sweet and funny and I hate to see him hurt. Its not fair but I guess lots of unfair things happen. I hope he makes it and come through it okay. I wish I could do something but probably everyone wishes that. We all just have to wait and see what happens. I feel so bad for Gayle and Tackle and that whole family. They're so close and this has to hurt so much. I know how scared I'd be.

I'm a little worried about Puppet though I guess that's nothing new. He didn't want much to eat yesterday and hardly came out of his room at all. I hope he isn't getting sick. I'll see what happens today when I ask him if he wants to eat something.

I guess 2009 isn't off to a very good start. I hope things get better for everyone. I just want to wish everyone's pain away and make the year be happy for everyone. I know that's probably a corny thing to want but I can't help it. I guess I'm a corny kind of person.

I hear someone moving around now so I'm going to see if they want breakfast. I feel better when I'm cooking. Its like its something I can control and it gives me something to do to help so I'm glad to do it. Now if I could only do more then I'd be really happy.

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 07:08:02 GMT

Hey again everyone. I hope you all had a very good Christmas. I've been busy and finally managed to sit down to relax. I like the kind of busy I've been though so I'm happy. I couldn't resist doing some more baking today since so much was eaten yesterday.

It was a wonderful holiday. I love being part of all of this so much. Its always so much fun and there are so many great people to share it with. I feel like I've been extra blessed with all of this after not having much of a family before. Now its like I have this great big huge one and it makes me so happy. There was so much going on and everyone was having so much fun. I guess not quite everyone but Puppet at least seemed to feel a little better. Opening presents for him wasn't easy since he said he couldn't see them so he didn't have a reason to open them. He finally agreed to do it and we helped him figure out what he got but it was still hard on him. He didn't really seem mad or anything like usual about it but just more sad. I think that's a little harder to see.

Mom and dad gave me a great present. They're getting me driving lessons since I never got permission from my parents to get them at school and then after I get my liscence they're going to get me a car! They'll let me pick the one I get. It'll be second hand but they said I can have whatever I want. I think that's so nice of them! The lessons will be this spring since winter's not a very good time for them. That's especially true this winter. I'd be too scared in all this snow.

I guess that's all for now. I'm just very tired so I'll probably try and sleep now. Its a good kind of tired and I think I'll sleep very well.

Merry belated Christmas to everyone.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:20:51 GMT

Its been very busy lately but I finally got some time so I decided I would post just in case I don't have any time later. I've been keeping busy with Christmas stuff and planning food and everything. I'm getting really excited that its almost here but I'm also stressing since I always worry that I won't be ready.

I had a bad dream the other night and I've been scared to go to sleep again. I feel like a big baby about it but I can't help it. Its been awhile since I've had a dream like that and I just want to forget it. I wish I could but its hard. Dad took me to lunch yesterday to help get my mind off of it though. We don't usually go anywhere with just the two of us but he was cleared for being able to drive not long ago, at least for short times, so he was anxious to actually do it and it was a good reason. He looked very glad to be able to do it and it was alot of fun to go out with him. I did feel better after and I think he did too.

I've got most of my Christmas shopping done but I still have a few things left to buy. Some people are harder to shop for then others so I'm down to those few. I'm getting some help but its still tough. I always worry that someone won't like what I get them even if people tell me they'll love it. Gift giving can be very stressful. The kids were easy though and so was most of the family. I still don't know for sure what to get Mikel but Gayle said she'd help me. Hopefully I can get that done really soon.

I thought about not getting mom's mom anything since I'm not sure she deserves it but I decided that wouldn't be very nice. I'm still mad at her for how she treated Bullshit and I don't like how she treats Mikel or alot of people here but I don't want to be petty. I just have to decide what to get her. It has to be something nice. I'm sure I'll come up with something but its just hard to think nice when she's involved.

I need to go make lunch now. I hope your all doing well and that you have a great Christmas. Thanks for being my friends.

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 15:05:42 GMT

I wanted to get on before I get too into cooking and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Everyone here in the US anyway though I hope everyone has a very good day.

I'm very excited to be getting to do even more cooking then ever before though I wish Analisa didn't have to get hurt. I like cooking with her. She'll help out all she can but she can't move around much so it'll be alot less than she wants. I hope by Christmas she's able to do more.

I have so much I have to do but this is my favorite thing in the world to do. I hope everything comes out okay and I don't mess anything up. I don't do that very often but I always worry that I will. Right now I have some things getting ready to boil and I have a pie in the oven which is almost done. I can't wait to sit down and eat. Everyone has so much fun everytime we do this. I just hope that mom's mom doesn't mess it up by being mean to anyone. That would make me sad. I can't even look at her since she was mean to Bullshit.

I need to go check and see if things are boiling and then really get started on things. I hope you all have a great day. I'm thankful for having so many really great people in my life now. Thank you all for being my friends.

Confused

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:19:11 GMT

I'm awake and now I can't go back to sleep. I got up to use the bathroom and I heard something break in the kitchen and then I heard Puppet's voice sounding upset. I guess it was more frustrated than angry though he was probably that too.

I went in there and he was picking up glass as best he could. His hand was bleeding and there was blood on the counter. There wasn't a whole lot but there was quite a bit. He'd gotten a nasty cut when he broke the glass. I guess he'd gotten frustrated because he misjudged something and missed the glass with the juice he was trying to pour. So he slammed the glass down onto the counter harder than he meant to and it broke.

I helped him pick up the glass but he wouldn't let me wake up mom or dad to have them help. He got a deep cut right between his thumb and pointer finger that's about an inch long or so and I think he needs stiches. But he told me he didn't want help and that he was fine. He did let me get some gauze and bandage it up a little but that was it.

Now I don't know what to do. I guess I can wait until morning to tell them but I hate doing that. I don't know how deep it is and it was still bleeding pretty good when he went back to his room. I don't want to make him mad at me but he should get it looked at and fixed. Mom and dad will probably be up in three or four hours though so maybe that's not too long.

I hate not knowing what to do. I'm so bad at this and I don't want to do that wrong thing.

I think I'll watch a movie or something. I'm not going to be able to sleep.